Sounding Boards in our lives are people who we can bounce ideas off without fear of rejection or undue criticism. I say “undue” criticism because one of the key roles that these people play in our lives. They help us refine ideas, solve problems, unpack emotions, brainstorm, and so much more.
Part of the reason these people are essential in our lives is that we have the ability to believe nearly everything we think. And the more we tell ourselves stories, the more we believe those stories. It’s been seen that the best way to persuade someone of an un-truth is to simply expose them to it again and again. The result is that they end up slowly absorbing the idea until it’s commonly accepted knowledge.
We can easily do the same thing in our own minds. We start with a suspicion or fear, and then find the facts that support that idea, while simultaneously dismissing any ideas that don’t align with that suspicion / fear. Since we all struggle with confimration bias, we all like our own ideas best, and we all are physiologically structured to respond quickly and strongly to negative stimuli, we end up creating an internal feedback loop.
The Important Role of a Sounding Board
This is where having a sounding board can break the cycle. Having to verbalize our fears / suspicions / ideas to another person makes us crystalize our ideas (something which our brain resists), recall the facts of a matter (again, brain doesn’t like this) and determine our position on this matter.
Having an honest sounding board is incredibly important here! Having someone who can tell you “You’re talking like a crazy person.” or “You’re overreacting.” or “That’s an incredible idea, you should move on it.” or “I wouldn’t do that if I were you, but…” – these comments are so important! They are reality checks when our emotions are carrying us away.
I’ve been saved by sounding boards in my life when I’ve been about to make an emotion-fueled bad decision. They talked me down from my fired-up emotional state, told me to be patient, eat, go for a run and see how I felt after a good night’s sleep. The next morning, my urgent issue seemed like a non-issue.
Become a Sounding Board
Everyone wants a sounding board, but the only thing you can control is becoming a better sounding board.
You can:
- Ask good questions.
- Give people our focused attention.
- Listen way more than you talk.
- Ask people about the important things in their lives.
- Ask people if they want your honest thoughts on the matter.
- Give suggestions in a non-judgmental fashion.
- Be a straight-shooter.
Find a Sounding Board
Finding a Sounding Board might be difficult, but it might be as simple as asking someone to grab coffee for an hour. To ask someone to be your sounding board:
- Ask them if you can bounce an idea off them (this is the literal meaning of sounding board)
- Make it clear that you respect their thoughts and want their insight.
- Make it clear that you aren’t trying to transfer ownership of your issue to them.
- Ask them if they’ve ever had a similar situation.
- Meet in a place that is conducive to a longer conversation.
- Take their advice (if it’s good) and let them know how the conversation helped you.
Good sounding boards are really rare, so if you have one in your life, be sure to thank them for the role that they play and that you really value them!