Reframing is the idea that we can take an experience, and give it a new context that allows for dramatically different perception of that experience.
For example, telling students that they must get rid of all the stress they feel before a test or they’re sure to do poorly, verses telling a group of students that the excitement they feel before their test is their body’s way of ensuring that they’re going to be at optimal performance during their test, and that the excitement is a good thing.
You can guess which group of students will do way better in the exam (this example is from the great book The Upside of Stress). The second group did way better, not just on that single test, but all throughout their entire college careers.
Jim Collins (Good to Great) noted that when he was working with military leaders, they had the refrain “we either win or we learn.” That’s reframing losing as an opportunity to learn new things.
Reframing helps us gain perspective, and discover new opportunities. It also changes narratives, which I think is really important. We don’t usually get to pick the initial narratives in our lives, they just kind of happen. Our brain is great at finding patterns, but unfortunately it can super-impose patterns where no such pattern exists. Or it finds the pattern, and misattributes it to a false set of causes. This is how we end up with this idea that I always mess things up, or I’m doomed to repeat history, or my family is always doing X, Y, or Z.
The million dollar question then is: How do I learn how to reframe?
Since reframing is you adjusting your perspective, it means you have to do the work to figure out what works for you. But here are some things that help for me:
Six Ways to Reframe Your Experiences:
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Zoom in – When a situation seems totally overwhelming, focus on one small part, and figure out what the next step could be. One small step, then reevaluate. Paralysis is often shaken off by action.
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Zoom out – Looking at the big picture of your life, your history, your future – how will this one situation / test / challenge / tragedy rate? For most of the things in our life, the drama of today will be forgotten by next week.
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Consider the Implications – What does a challenging situation mean for the other parts of your life? What will you learn from it? Will it make you stronger? Smarter? Tougher? Wiser?
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Worst Case Scenario – When something bad happens, we tend to catastrophize. But the reality is that most frustrations are just that – frustrating. Thinking about the worst case scenario often makes me realize, that much of my life is fantastic and full of blessing, even if some things go wrong. Often having a backup plan relieves a lot of stress in life.
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Learn the Science – Doing research gives you an alternative mental path to progress along when you start to get anxious or fearful. Understanding stress and the ways to combat it and embrace it becomes extremely helpful if you struggle with stress.
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Challenge the Stories – We build stories in our life about who we are, what we can and cannot do, what defines us. The reality is that often we aren’t good at knowing what we’re good at, we aren’t good at knowing what we’re bad at, and we need other people to help us see those things. We’re blind to our blind spots!